The clarity about confusion

There is this heart of mine that that is not co-operating with the agent brain. Reason and feeling are two different things and there chemistry is destruction of one of them… whichever is strong. Feelings are feelings, they exist in the air, and just like air cannot be arrested and even if arrested they burst into severe action. Several thoughts chase me…and somewhere the correlations don’t work well...I am chased by my thoughts and start wondering why people are like this. Morality and pride, they are sitting opposite to each other and are not looking eye to eye.

But to whom am I proving myself. Why do I require the certificate? From whom do I require a certificate? When I believe that my body is a thought from finger-tip to finger-tip and a beautiful creation of the Lord himself, why should I struggle to proof something to somebody…!!! Now what I am trying to proof and to whom I am trying to proof. The fight is internal and at no cost I will loose it. I will come from this fight unscathed or might get burn in it….but I will raise again…like a phoenix from the ashes. I will never give up at any cost and I will strive hard at living a life that is true to my self.

Now where do I stand now? I am clear about one thing that I am confused and I am trying to prove a point to myself. I am desperately insecure about myself and I want to prove that I am this and that. But at what cost…??? To whom am I proving this? This struggle is sweet and is like playing chess in the darkness. I am groping in the darkness which are the coins to be played and what is the play status now..????

Forgiveness is, sometimes the greatest thing that you can do to yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive the people who lie their feelings to you. Smile and make it their day as well as yours. At the end of the day…nobody has anything to loose.

Driving license at Iraq

Driving license at Iraq...no wonder each car blows-up....

Marriage

is a disciplined process for reproduction. People sometimes are lonely even though they are married. Marriage, sometimes, tends to be a ritual and most of us act into it. I have seen couples, seeming happy, hanging around shopping complex and in theatres. The female of the pair feels insecure about her future and the male worries about his job and future. Both of them, not living in the present and both of them smile at each other at regular intervals. My marriage was arranged one and I don’t have any regrets about it. One of the first things, I told my wife was regarding my freedom. I told her to live life as if she is living with her best friend. Fidelity, loyalty, etc is their and we love each other everyday and it is multiplying everyday. I respect her freedom and she respects mine. I, also revealed to her, that in fact she does not remember, what she was doing in her last birth and what she is going to be in the next birth. All we can think about was the present, and ways and means to keep ourselves happy during this moment. This can be done only by doing what we really believe is happiness. Her happiness is about having a secure future and settling down with life with loads of money after 5 years. I respect that idea of happiness. Happiness is sometimes, sum total of what you have missed in your previous bygone moments. Happiness is sometimes, relaxing the excess baggage we are carrying around, believing that this is life, whereas this is not actually what we intend to do.

Child tries to understand

As me & my wife was discussing ways to celebrate my son’s birthday falling due on August 31st, 2005….we tumbled upon his various milestones he has achieved during the time till now? He seems to be a fast learner (never mind, modesty is not my forte…this one is for sure). In a way, he has learned to request the necessities he wants to satisfy himself. He has his own creative way to express his needs and it is practiced between three of us in such a way that we understand it without any trouble. He still remembers the shrill got while riding in my bike and always looks forward for a visit to the local market. He is sort of bit interested in the economics of routine life and watch’s intensely, while the seller and buyer bargains. He is still to understand the civilized manner of doing a transaction....well it is not good for me to expect so much from a eleven month old child. Understanding what a child understands is something which only a mother can be good at….her body reacts to the child needs…well I need not talk about motherhood…it is more understood…

Just read along what a fresh father has to say about his new daughter...

by Tom Evslin, written in 1979 (and posted recently on his blog) on the birth of his daughter:
A few weeks ago my daughter Katy was born. She started out terribly; grey, streaked with blood, and with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. Central Vermont Hospital took care of all that very well and now she is less the worse for wear than I am.
But she is helpless, incredibly helpless. It’s been a few years since I’ve had an infant to watch and I’d forgotten. She can’t hold her huge head up; she can’t use her hands; and her eyes discover the world piece by piece at random.
No other mammal has babies nearly as helpless as ours. Even blind puppies walk to their first nursing. And the reflexive curling of Katy’s toes reminds me that, if she were a monkey, she’d already he able to hold onto a branch.
One theory is that the head is the problem. For better or for worse, humans have brains proportional1y far bigger than those of other species. The head built to contain this giant brain has run into an evolutionary trap. It’s almost too big to be born.
That is why humans have more trouble with childbirth than other species. And so, the theory goes, in order to be born at all, humans must be born prematurely. In other words, human babies are so helpless because they are still in an advanced state of fetal development. If they waited until they were as developed as other mammal babies, their heads would he too large for delivery.
I think there is another reason in the grand scheme of things why our babies are born with so much to learn.
The babies of other species come preprogrammed. They already have most basic motor skills. In general, the lower down the evolutionary ladder a species is, the more adult skills its babies have built in.
Our babies know how to nurse. Everything else they have to learn. It seems very inefficient that we have to learn to lift our heads, then learn to roll over, then creep, then walk. But I think this inefficiency serves a purpose.
While my daughter Katy is learning the simple task of making her hand touch what her eye sees, she will also he learning how to learn. As she tries and fails and tries again, her mind will learn how to retain experience. As her left hand learns what her right hand knows, her mind will learn to reason and extrapolate.
As Katy takes a year to learn the motor skills a monkey is born with, she will be preparing herself for the great task of mastering a spoken language. As she struggles pitifully to make a rattle work right, she will he learning to learn to read and write.
Above all, we are nature’s best learners. We have very dull eyes, puny teeth, a weak sense of smell, and we don’t hear very well. Our physical prowess is probably the laughingstock of the animal kingdom. But we can learn. We learn how to learn while we learn how to walk.
Welcome, Katy, to a genuine learning experience. And good luck.

Love is

Love is an all pervasive, potent force that sometimes strikes you without our knowledge. There is no reason, why somebody should love somebody…it strikes us just like that…without any prior knowledge or data. It can not, but only have divine meaning attached to it….it is some sort of cosmic revelation. It brings in you that belief that everybody is inter-connected and are in some form or the other divine.

When I am heard

May 20, 2005

One of the best things in life is wen you are heard. When somebody says I like to hear you talking. I had friends who love me to satisfy there egos…and there are friends who love me genuinely b’coz they have no reason to explain. There are no means I can find it out…as our time erodes and people start finding what color you are…still they believe in you and still they behave as the way you have met them the first time…there you are…

Dreams

April 15th, 2005

I don’t have any dream. I have thoughts of leading a leisure life and rarely have any thought about succeeding in my endeavors. The eternal idea was to flow with the tide. That has a lot to do with my confidence level. I have not made things happen. To succeed in life…one needs to take things under control…one needs to understand the ground reality and act according to it. As Stephen Covey…as every minute emerges your circle of influence should increase. In my day to day life, I see that lots of things are taken for granted. I need to take control of the system and make things happen. Being brought-up by possessive parents, there parental nurturing has shattered my individualism and there is severe loss of identity. Throughout my early life, suppression was a way of life. Internally, during my school days, my self-esteem was shattered due to extreme possessiveness of my parents. Everything I wanted in my life…fell on my lap and never had to struggle much to achieve anything. There was severe deprivation of worldly experience…and life was revolving within the coterie of government service and fringe benefits coming out of it. It was very late when I realized the world and its changing attitudes. My first love was sports and I was good at it. But as usual, I was afraid of success…I thought I never deserved this. There were times, when I could have succeeded, but something stopped me. My academic competence was very poor…but I was excellent at grasping new ideas and processes. I am good at learning things the ‘hands-on’ way.

Line of thought

But I think that you cannot eliminate religion from the psyche of mankind. If you suppress it in one form, it merely re-emerges in another form. Even if you don’t believe in any God, you still have to believe in something that gives meaning to your life, and shapes your sense of the world. Such a belief is religious



Last famous words of mine…that almost ended a relationship

My only obligation in my life, is to be true to myself…having said all this, the truth is ‘I luvd u’…I don’t mind if u hate me 4 this….tat is the ultimate truth.