miscellanous musings
April 22nd, 2005
There is quite a lot of changes happening in my life, as I approach my mid-life. There seems to be a sense of responsibility creeping in and I have started believing that there are people who are dependent on me. I was kind of person who believe in ‘footloose & fancy free” attitudes. I believe life is to be enjoyed rather than be treaded upon carefully. My carelessness does not amount to be reckless in my approach….it simply means there is a method in madness. In a life, where the next second is a probability….I believe the ’Now’ we are living in is a matter of great importance.
April 24th, 2005
I am the centre of the world, and the world around starts from the place where I am now. My worldview is always from my point of knowledge and facts I have gathered till this time. Some of them…hearsay…some of them…out of my own experience. After so long an experience, I believe, everybody wants to gain something out of their interactions with each other. There is always selfishness attached to everybody’s attitude towards each other. Effective communication starts when we start understanding what the other person wants to have or wants to gain out of any interaction
There is always this sense of loss inside my mind….as if something missing in my life. Right now, this moment , I have everything to boast about…a good job, good wife, a wonderful child, but…..?????
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April 26th, 2005
I don’t have any dream. I have thoughts of leading a leisure life and rarely have any thought about succeeding in my endeavors. The eternal idea was to flow with the tide. That has a lot to do with my confidence level. I have not made things happen. To succeed in life…one needs to take things under control…one needs to understand the ground reality and act according to it. In my day to day life, I see that lots of things are taken for granted. I need to take control of the system and make things happen. Being brought-up by possessive parents, there parental nurturing has shattered my individualism and there is severe loss of identity. Throughout my early life, suppression was a way of life. Internally, during my school days, my self-esteem was shattered due to this possessiveness of my parents. Everything I wanted in my life…fell on my lap and never had to struggle much to achieve anything. There was severe deprivation of worldly experience…and life was revolving within the coterie of government service and fringe benefits coming out of it. It was very late when I realized the world and its changing attitudes. My first love was sports and I was good at it. But as usual, I was afraid of success…I thought I never deserved this. There were times, when I could have succeeded, but something stopped me. My academic competence was very poor…but I was excellent at grasping new ideas and processes. I am good at learning things the ‘hands-on’ way.
May 2nd, 2005
Did u write the book of love..?? and did u believe in it…??? Have u broken hearts to know the value of love. Love is all- pervasive…people don’t know it. It is that magical feeling that sometimes kills love and makes us love again.. Love is a magical force…and it does not have any chemical definition attached to it. Everybody is an author in that area…and starts feeling it right from the time..he/she is born. It drives the soul and does not attach any meaning. There can not be any meaning to it. It makes me think that any form of relationship is not valid, unless it is accepted by my heart. However, we define any form of relationship through our rituals & traditions…there is no way it is accepted unless it is accepted by our heart. The feeling that we are loved and accepted is one of the greatest of feeling.
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There is quite a lot of changes happening in my life, as I approach my mid-life. There seems to be a sense of responsibility creeping in and I have started believing that there are people who are dependent on me. I was kind of person who believe in ‘footloose & fancy free” attitudes. I believe life is to be enjoyed rather than be treaded upon carefully. My carelessness does not amount to be reckless in my approach….it simply means there is a method in madness. In a life, where the next second is a probability….I believe the ’Now’ we are living in is a matter of great importance.
April 24th, 2005
I am the centre of the world, and the world around starts from the place where I am now. My worldview is always from my point of knowledge and facts I have gathered till this time. Some of them…hearsay…some of them…out of my own experience. After so long an experience, I believe, everybody wants to gain something out of their interactions with each other. There is always selfishness attached to everybody’s attitude towards each other. Effective communication starts when we start understanding what the other person wants to have or wants to gain out of any interaction
There is always this sense of loss inside my mind….as if something missing in my life. Right now, this moment , I have everything to boast about…a good job, good wife, a wonderful child, but…..?????
*******************************************************************************
April 26th, 2005
I don’t have any dream. I have thoughts of leading a leisure life and rarely have any thought about succeeding in my endeavors. The eternal idea was to flow with the tide. That has a lot to do with my confidence level. I have not made things happen. To succeed in life…one needs to take things under control…one needs to understand the ground reality and act according to it. In my day to day life, I see that lots of things are taken for granted. I need to take control of the system and make things happen. Being brought-up by possessive parents, there parental nurturing has shattered my individualism and there is severe loss of identity. Throughout my early life, suppression was a way of life. Internally, during my school days, my self-esteem was shattered due to this possessiveness of my parents. Everything I wanted in my life…fell on my lap and never had to struggle much to achieve anything. There was severe deprivation of worldly experience…and life was revolving within the coterie of government service and fringe benefits coming out of it. It was very late when I realized the world and its changing attitudes. My first love was sports and I was good at it. But as usual, I was afraid of success…I thought I never deserved this. There were times, when I could have succeeded, but something stopped me. My academic competence was very poor…but I was excellent at grasping new ideas and processes. I am good at learning things the ‘hands-on’ way.
May 2nd, 2005
Did u write the book of love..?? and did u believe in it…??? Have u broken hearts to know the value of love. Love is all- pervasive…people don’t know it. It is that magical feeling that sometimes kills love and makes us love again.. Love is a magical force…and it does not have any chemical definition attached to it. Everybody is an author in that area…and starts feeling it right from the time..he/she is born. It drives the soul and does not attach any meaning. There can not be any meaning to it. It makes me think that any form of relationship is not valid, unless it is accepted by my heart. However, we define any form of relationship through our rituals & traditions…there is no way it is accepted unless it is accepted by our heart. The feeling that we are loved and accepted is one of the greatest of feeling.
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posted by vinukv @ 10:49 PM
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